Tracy Thompson:
Life/Works/Strange Results

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Yes, ah, I know what you mean. I have suffered from suicidal tendencies since age 14 & I am 49 now. Hmmm...I have learned that mediation is a reallly good thing and hanging with those that do it is good too. Hanging on is spiritually uplifting and this can help your energy and mood. So can realizing it can be coz you're feeling other's feelings and illnesses on top of your own-sometimes people who are "sensitives", just feel way too much and if they can realize that the feelings may not even be theirs,especially when you are sad or mad w/o knowing why, it helps to know it's coz you're feeling other's feelings. I don't know why but it helps.Hope this has helped.

The last two years have been a blur. I have struggled with failing health. I breastfed for 18 months. My husband can never relax and therefore we can never relax. I have no friends & there's no point in trying to talk to my family. My cousin died, then my granma, then my uncle. Right after my uncle's untimely death, a completely horrible time in my marraige happened. I'm sure it's not easy to be with someone as sickly as me. I can't even do anything strenuous without being completely exhausted for a week. I'm up then I'm way down. I had no health insurance until very recently. I hope they can fix me. I love my kid so much. I hate myself when my frustration builds and I snap at her. It's just hard when the only other adult that you see all day walks out of the house slamming the door and you're left there with all that anger and nothing to do with it. My thoughts have grown more and more desperate. I will not harm myself. I will not abuse drugs or alcohol. I can only suffer. I have to let it go. I must find a solution. I was so happy in the beginnng. I don't know what happened. I was so strong and vibrant and now I'm just pathetic. I will hang on. I will read, I will try, I will to get better. I will put all of this behind me because I don't want to go through life this way. I love life. I really love to be happy.

I

I hit rock-bottom last week and over my lunch break, I wandered through the local bookshop. I didn't know what I was looking for, I just needed to switch off. I knew I was in trouble and I knew I needed help, but I had no idea how I was going to get out of this one. I'd been diagnosed with depression 3 times in the last 10 years, and besides the deep, dark, all-consuming depression I felt after the birth of my son 4 years ago, this really felt like the worst low I'd ever had. Then a book caught my eye: The Ghost in the House: Mothers, children and depression. I started reading it as soon as I got home that evening and it felt like I was reading my own life story. I can't tell you what a difference it's made. I'm determined to get treatment now and although I'm still afraid of how my family will react, I need them to understand what I'm going through and I need their support. I want to LIVE my life. Thank you Tracy. Finally I know that I am not alone.

When someone is diagnosed with cancer, they need to share that with their friends and family, because their illness is going to have a huge impact on those around them and to survive, they need support. Depression may not be a terminal illness, but it can still result in death - especially if it's not treated, but depression-sufferers CAN'T tell their friends and families about their illness, because 95 % of the time, they will not get support! Why is suicide still so common? It's because of ignorance. People who don't suffer from depression, don't know what it's like TO suffer from depression and what's worse is, they don't WANT to know. So why would a depression-sufferer want to tell the world that they're ill, when all they'll get is negative feedback? Who can they reach out to to help them through? In their desperate struggle to make it through a simple 24 hour day, they're also forced to hide their illness and that only makes it worse, and is it any wonder then that they feel that death is the easiest option? Depression is not insanity. It's not weakness. It's an illness. And my most fervent wish is that somewhere, somehow, someone will blow the top off this "terrible secret" and finally give depression sufferers the O.K. to go out and get the support and the treatment they need.

Besides, it's not about depression, it's about motherhood, stupid.

Besides, it's not about depression, it's about motherhood, stupid.

Besides, it's not about depression, it's about motherhood, stupid.

Okay, Well Bug, you made your point and you obviously don't have a clue. Look up the definition of activism in your dictionary. And if you had ever been depressed, you would know how important it is to find something and commit to it. JLGT

Well Bug: Thought I'd bring by a friend to chat. This is Dr. U.R. Munchhausens. Munchhausens: Hi Tracy Kim: Tracy's whole life revolves around depression. Books, web page, speaking, even got her kids in the act. Munchhausens: Depression is a serious problem and I'm glad to see it getting attention. But it can be unhealthy to wrap yourself up too much. Kim: Well how could that be, Dr.? Munschhausens "some people have a sickness -- a need or pathology to be sick and to draw their support from their sickness. It perpetrates an u health lifestyle and continues an illness. Kim: Why would anyone do that? Munchhausens: "Well Kim, there are lots of reasons. People compensate for perceived shortcomings or failures. Kim: You mean like bugging out from your own Dad's death. Telling people they can't blame you because you're sick? Munchhausens: We;; maybe4, but lets keep it theoretical. I think that might hit a little close to home for Tracy. Kim: OK Munchhausens: Often these people find that sickness, injury, trauma is a way of getting attention or support, Its a life pattern. Kim: Misery loves company. Munchhausens: Well something like that. Kim: Say doc. I heard of an incident where a young school girl got hit by a car. Imnjured her pretty badly, Of course her whole community showed up. the minister came down. Her mom spent night after night with her in the hospital. The family even bought a new car with an insurance check. Munchausens: Well that's a case of a child getting wuit a few rewards for an injury -- yes that's an astute observation and . . . oh Kim, you're not talking about Tracy are you. Now I don't ewant to make this personal. Kim; ok DOC. I'll try to be good. Munchhausens: Please, we're dealing with a disturbed young woman who has tried suicide at least once. Kim: Well doc, besides the suicide, what makes you think she's so disturbed? Munchhausens: well theres that what do you young people call it blog about her husband and her old boyfriends That is classic. She has the abusive boyfriend who attacks her in public. What better way to make people feel sorry for you that to be an innocent beaten up in public. the there's the ritual bath story. Doubt it ever happened, but it dopes show a yearning to cleanse herself of some guilt that the illness supports. Bet it goes back to the father thing. Of course there's the psychologist. You'd want to show psychological illness to someone who could appreciate it. Kim: Pick your audience? Munchhausens: Well sort of. the teres the incident of the guy in the bathroom with the nail file. I'd bet it was HER in the bathroom with the nail file. Kim: Doc, I heard you tlk about doing this "by proxy." Was that all about? Munchhausens: Well Kim, you can't gop on and on getting yurself run over by cars. so some people make other weaker people undergo the trauma for them and then the stronger person gets the sympathy. Kim: Huh you're losing me doctor. Munchhausens: Well its often the children of the sick person. The sick person often does things to secretly injury the children so that people will fell sorry for the parent. Kim: That's creepy. Tracy's already got her kids rolled up in this scenario. She's interposing her depression with raising children -- high maintenance divas, she calls them. Munchhausens: Now Kim, lets not speculate. Kim: But doctor, I've heard terrible stories about this. Couldn't the kids be in danger? Kim: Doc, doc, doc?

THE HYPOCRITE IN THE HOUSE Ms Thompson: Aren't you really "The hypocrite in the house?" You claim to be a "journalist." You should be for free speech. Yet when I asked as few difficult questions about one of your "blogs" you blocked me. There was no inappropriate language, threats etc. Just a few pesky questions. But you ran like the thin skinned, whitebread, South Atlanta, suburban girl you are deep down. Doesn't that make you a hypocrite and a coward? You seem to be able to say pretty small and ugly things about people you knew 20 or 30 years ago. You seem to have no qualms about dredging up your version of events that may or may not have happened decades ago involving people who who have now presumably gone on with their lives and put you in the past. Its hardly honest to say, as you did in your bok "The beast" you mentioned no names. Many, many, many people could likely identify the targets of your character assasination, couldn't they? But let someone like me -- someone trained to put sentences together -- ask a few questions and you run for the thicket. I wonder what would happen if one of your victims tried to tell his or her story. Please explain why this conduct doesn't make you "The hypocrite in the house and the coward too." Kim Philby

Ms thompson: I am so upset by the way this Kim person has spoken to you. Impertinent -- thats what it is. these young people have no respect. Perhaps we shouold get her together with your former writer boyfriend and let him give her a good smacking. Maurice Dobbs

Don't you write about your life so you will seem important? Are you afraid that if you don't tell us your mundane experiences, you will have to confront the realization that you are just ordinary? Are you afraid of people who do not fawn over you? Kim

No, I'm not afraid - it's actually become one of my goals - to debunk some of the myths of motherhood that are out there. Motherhood is wonderful - it is also exhausting and chaotic at times. Some days it's easy to want to throw in the towel! I am not naive enough to think that those who have not experienced motherhood and even all those that have walked before me and with me have had a similar experience. However, I have found that if I am vulnerable and willing enough to honestly share my life experiences with another - authentically and honestly - that she is more likely to do the same with me. Now isn't that better than plastering on a fake smile, gritting your teeth, and telling all you meet that "everything's fine"?